The title of this entry is a quote from the movie As good as it gets, by actor Jack Nicholson. That phrase encapsulates the driving force behind my perspective on wife centered marriage (WCM). Although we played at femdom and related kinks in our 20 years of marriage, it wasn't until I discovered that sustaining a focus on my wife would help me become a better husband. I subsequently learned that becoming a better husband leads me towards my goal of becoming a better person.
I use the term WCM rather than wife led marriage or female led relationship because it is a better description of our relationship. Like many women, Madame is an introvert and was not accustomed to, nor confident with leading in a relationship. However, she is exceptionally kind, loving, and nurturing. Like many men drawn to this lifestyle, I was a self centered, alpha male who spent most of his life directing large numbers of men and women. Submission isn't something that came naturally to me, but it is something that can be learned and internalized.
My early attempts at asking Madame to take charge so I could respond submissively didn't work. In hindsight, I was attempting to draw her into leadership using my leadership skills. Frankly, nothing worked well until I explained to her that I wanted to be a better husband, and then proved it to her by acting differently. As time progressed, Madame became more comfortable with the new me, and admits she rather enjoys being waited on and pleasured without concerns about reciprocating. For my part, I found joy in sacrifice and service to the one I love. She may never lead in a manner that is typically described in WLM website and stories, but she is always the most important person in our relationship. Life is good.
Given these circumstances, the challenges of moving from a husband centric marriage to a wife centered marriage are legion. The good news is that change is possible. While every relationship is different, I am confident that there is a path forward for everyone seeking a better marriage. Finding your way may not be easy, but there are "lessons learned" on the web that can guide you, or at least help you avoid the most common pitfalls. It also helps to conceptualize a road-map for your journey. The one I recommend has three macro steps.
First, picture what your marriage might look like if it was "right". The definition of "right" will change and change again over time by reality testing (your and your spouse's response to elements of that vision), but in the beginning just visualize in detail what you desire. Next, conduct a comprehensive evaluation of all aspects of your marriage as it stands, including your and your spouse's strengths, weaknesses and stated limits. This is referred to as a SWOT analysis; strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats. It will help you identify what to work on first, what to avoid asking for, and aid in revising your picture formed in step 1. Finally, adopt and maintain behaviors (until they become habit) that move you closer to the picture you visualized. Do this without any requests or expectation of any change of behavior from your spouse. It is not easy at first to make a new habit of giving unconditionally, but I believe it is an important and perhaps essential step.
In time, you might experience your spouse showing her unsolicited appreciation by gifting you some of the elements in your picture.
~uxorious mate
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