Years ago when the television show Mad Men was gaining popularity, I created a role-play scenario where Madame would be the stereotypical 50's husband and I would play the stereotypical 50's housewife. This was a complete reversal of our roles at the time. We both worked 8-5 jobs, but after work she was the one to cook and clean up after, while I lounged with a drink and watched the news on television. At that point we lived in the relationship model of our parents. She did everything inside the house except repairs, and I did everything related to the outside of the house. This role-play started us down the path of redefining those inherited roles.
Role-play is an excellent way to establish new attitudes and behaviors, especially when habitual relationship patterns exist. It is easier to establish a wife focused relationship from the outset than it is after many years of conventional marriage. As a "giver", Madame was uncomfortable at first with all the "taking" involved in this role-play. She was uncomfortable with not contributing as much around the house, and I believe this challenged her self-worth at the time. This changed gradually with time, moving to acceptance and then into her sense of entitlement that exists today. The only chore she does today is doing some of the laundry, which she decided I cannot be trusted to do properly. I do wash the non-delicate items and do all the folding, ironing and putting away. In truth, I discovered the joy of of being a house husband, and gained competency in cooking, baking, cleaning and organizing. What has yet to occur is a transition from house husband to house wife. I'm not sure if Madame will ever decide to move us in that direction, but recently she began reading a series of books by
Janice C. Parker which details her experiences with making her husband into her full-time maid. I do know that Madame isn't into the whole sissy-maid theme, but this reading seems to indicate that Madame is evaluating this option for the future. Perhaps she will decide to adopt a more 50's housewife theme instead. This "fake" 50's article was published many years ago, but provides a wonderful description of what life would be like for her if she decided that was best for us. Of course, Madame would be in the role of the husband, not me.
Here are the highlights of the key recommendations with the roles reversed:
1. Have dinner ready: Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal — on time. This is a way of letting her know that you have been thinking about her, and are concerned about her needs. Most women are hungry when they come home and the prospects of a good meal are part of the warm welcome needed.
2. Prepare yourself: Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed when she arrives. Buff up your appearance, shower if needed and be fresh looking. She has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting. Her boring day may need a lift.
3. Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your wife arrives, gathering up school books, toys, paper, etc. Then run a dust cloth over the tables. Your wife will feel she has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift, too.
4. Prepare the children: Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces if they are small, comb their hair, and if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures ands he would like to see them playing the part.
5. Minimize the noise: At the time of her arrival, eliminate all noise of washer, dryer, dishwasher or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet. Be happy to see her. Greet her with a warm smile and be glad to see her.
6. Some Don'ts: Don't greet her with problems or complaints. Don't complain if she's late for dinner. Count this as minor compared with what she might have gone through that day.
7. Make her comfortable: Have her lean back in a comfortable chair or suggest she lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for her. Arrange her pillow and offer to take off her shoes. Speak in a low, soft, soothing and pleasant voice. Allow her to relax and unwind.
8. Listen to her: You may have a dozen things to tell her, but the moment of her arrival is not the time. Let her talk first.
9. Make the evening hers: Never complain if she does not take you out to dinner or to other places of entertainment; instead, try to understand her world of strain and pressure, her need to be home and relax.
10. The goal: Try to make your home a place of peace and order where your wife can relax.
Words of wisdom for anyone pursuing a wife focused marriage!
~ uxorious mate
~ uxorious mate
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